The End Is Near: Zero Escape 3 Officially Announced for 3DS

Calling it: 2015 will be remembered as the year the impossible happened. First, The Last Guardian emerged from development hell after a bazillion years, then the highly demanded Final Fantasy VII remake was revealed, and let’s not forget we live in a world where Shenmue III is a real thing.

Shenmue III, guys. Shenmue III.

But today, dear readers, the impossible continues as Aksys unveiled the long-awaited Zero Escape 3. I know, I know, it’s crazy. It’s all crazy. Everything is literally crazy right now and the time space continuum is bound to rip wide open at any given moment and whisk us all away into a way lamer dimension where none of these things exist.

If I have to pummel either time and/or space into submission to ensure we all get to see these games in action, I’ll do it, gang. For the greater good. For mankind. For funyarinpas everywhere.

And hey, here’s the official press release to distract you from questioning my sanity:

ATTENTION PEOPLE OF THE WORLD: Japanese Adventure Game Strain Zero Escape Unavoidable

The threat of the end of the world is real

Many government organizations have dismissed our urgent warnings regarding the upcoming game event called Zero Time Dilemma. Recent intelligence has escalated our plans and we have come to the decision to contact gamers about the dangers directly. Our ultimate goal has always been to protect the public from the horrific consequences we have foreseen, but it appears our mission to prevent it from occurring may have failed. It is imperative that you make every effort to prepare yourselves for the oncoming deadly game, so that you may survive the coming apocalypse.

An antidote for the game is predicted to be created, but much further down this timeline, and as such there is no defense from its effects. It will be most easily identifiable on Nintendo 3DS™ and PlayStation®Vita handheld entertainment system, though it is transmittable through the air so the spread may increase even more rapidly through the PlayStation®Store and Nintendo eShop.

Do not be tempted by familiar faces, fully voiced cinematics, multiple endings, or voices in both Japanese and English, as those are signs that the apocalypse is nigh. We suggest that you put extensive effort into improving your puzzle solving skills, as they will be vital to your survival.

We at Crash Keys beg for your assistance in notifying everyone you can so that no one is left in the dark about this dangerous game. The world will end up in a tumultuous uproar, and ultimate consequences will be unavoidable unless word gets out. Use all the time available to you before the summer of next year to contact your loved ones and prepare; our intelligence hasn’t been able to focus in on an exact date at this time. Do not fear – we are here to protect you and prepare you to our utmost ability so that you may survive. You will survive. We will use all channels available to contact you with updates as soon as we uncover them. You must be ready.

For a while there, it didn’t sound like Zero Escape 3 was ever going to happen, so the mere fact that it’s coming out sometime next summer is nothing sort of a miracle — on Nintendo 3DS, no less!

And FYI, I just checked on the Shenmue III Kickstarter. It’s still there. Just so you know.

[Via Aksys PR; Tiny Cartridge]
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About The Author

Former Co-Editor

Trace Wysaske lives somewhere in Washington, and when he isn't compulsively hunting Green Stars or felling the Lagiacrus, he's writing about everything from forlorn Japanese teachers to well-mannered crows. He still needs to play Ghost Trick.